Idiot-proof roast chicken and other stuff

This recipe is for Roy who wants to cook for his housemates next weekend.


IDIOT-PROOF ROAST CHICKEN
1 chicken
Some carrots
An onion
A whole head of garlic
Salt, pepper, thyme
Some oil
A can of beer


1. First pop open the can of beer and make some shandy. I don't really like beer so I make it 3 parts beer and 7 parts of Sprite.
2. Pre-heat oven to oh... 250C.
3. Rinse and pat dry chicken. Stuff garlic into cavity.
4. Slice the carrots into thick long slices. Slice onion into three thick slices. Lay these at the bottom of your pan, this is your vegetable trivet. (So says Jamie Oliver) We actually use a casserole deep dish for this, we get a lot of juices that way.
5. Season your chicken generously with salt, pepper, thyme.
6. Place chicken breast-side down (so it doesn't dry out in the oven) and drizzle generously with oil
7. Put your chicken uncovered into the oven and let it brown for maybe 20 min
8. After that, cover your chicken (use tinfoil. For us, we simply put the casserole lid on) and turn the oven down to 200C.
9. Forget about your chicken for the next 2++ hours.
10. Drink more beer/shandy but don't drink all the beer.



BESTEST-WESTEST ROAST POTATOES
1. While you forget about your chicken, peel your potatoes
2. Parboil the potatoes in a large pot of water
3. Drain them and erm.. what's that term.. rake them with a fork so that you get a "groovy baby" potato
4. Cover your pan with tinfoil and place your potatoes on them. Arrange them so that they are spaced apart. If they are too close together, they'll just steam and won't roast.
5. Season with salt.
6. Splash oil... I like lots of oil.
7. Now remember your chicken? Yep, yep. Move that to the lowest rack of your oven and place the roast potatoes on the highest rack.
8. Turn your oven up to say 220C.

I find roast potatoes take about 45-60min to get all nice and crispy so time your preparations accordingly. Don't go parboil them too early.



CURI FROM JAMIE OLIVER SUPER-DUPER GRAVY

Pan juices
Plain flour
Chicken stock
Beer

1. That chicken of yours? Remember? Well, tip the juices from that into a saucepan
2. Dig out the vege trivet. Mine usually falls to bits just as I'm transferring it to the saucepan.
3. Place saucepan on medium fire and use whatever utensil you're using to mash up the vege as the juices come to a boil.
4. Add in some flour to thicken it up. Don't care what flour lah... Jamie said to use plain but I've used self-raising and nope, the gravy didn't turn into a puffball.
5. Tip some of your beer into the gravy and watch it bubble. Tip the rest into your glass for another shandy
6. Add chicken stock/water if you need more liquid
7. Simmer away till you get your desired consistency. Mine usually varies depending on how hungry I am. The hungrier I am, the more watery my gravy is.
8. Sieve gravy and serve HOT. Englishmen don't like their gravy lukewarm.


EASY-PEASEY PEPPER CABBAGE

Cabbage
Butter
Pepper to taste

1. Slice cabbage
2. Throw into a small pot and add a knob of butter
3. Oh before all this... grind up some pepper. I always forget. This is why it is Step 3 and not Step 1.
4. Stir cabbage on medium flame until all coated with butter and slightly wilted.
5. Mix in pepper and stir to coat
6. Serve. Simple kan? Unless you forget to grind the pepper beforehand like I usually do.


I hope you can follow the recipes Roy. Semoga berjaya!