Connor and the public toilet

As any parent with a newly potty-trained toddler knows, the hardest part about going out is remembering where all the public toilets are.  

Connor is extremely fussy about toilets.  He only likes two toilets - the one in his bathroom and ours.  The other toilets in the whole wide world, he uses them grudgingly and with much protest.

When we were out shopping at Pavilion one day, I noticed the holy trinity of pee-pee signs.  He had a pinched expression, he was clutching his wee-wee and his knees were squeezed together.  Uh-oh.  

"Connor, do you want to pee-pee?"

"No."

"Why are you holding your penis then?"

"No."

"Are you sure you don't want to pee-pee?"

"No."

"Well, you're going to pee-pee anyway."

"No."

I dragged him to the loo and it wasn't just any loo, it was the Pavilion VIP loo.  It happened to be the closest loo and I had no time to run to another one.  Connor protested all the way.  "No, I don't want, Mummy! I don't want pee-pee! I don't like! I don't like pee-pee! I don't want toilet! I don't like! I don't like toilet!"

I dragged him into the cubicle (wah, so posh!), my son still protesting and pulled his pants and undies down.  The moment I did that, a stream of pee arced from his wee-wee into the toilet bowl.  The splash stopped Connor in his tracks and he was silent for just one second before he blurted out in genuine surprise, "Jesus!  Connor pee-pee!  Oh my god!"

*facepalm*

You'd think a kid who needed speech therapy wouldn't be able to swear so well.

Rant Time: Inconsiderate Malaysian Drivers

Me: Connor, how does Mummy drive?
Connor: *pretends to turn steering wheel* Brrmm-brrmmm.... PON!!!!!!!!!!! PONNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!! Ponponpon!!!!!!


Okay, maybe I'm setting a bad example to my 2yo on driving courteously. But I can't help it because we encounter so many idiots on the road. Malaysian drivers are a thoughtless inconsiderate bunch of nincompoops on the road. We always pride ourselves on being warm, friendly and generous. Riiiiiiiiiight. Ever encountered one of our own kind on the road? We're about as warm and friendly as a hungry grizzly bear hunting for food.

Today, I was patiently queueing up at the slip road on Jln Duta that takes you to the roundabout. It's usually a clear road at around 9am++ which is when I'm done with the school run but for some reason, traffic was heavy today. Heavy but moving.

Up pop the drivers who refuse to queue and speed all the way to the end and then squeeze their way in at the head of the queue. I can't imagine why most people let them in. Don't. If they can't squeeze in, the butt of their car will be sticking out on a highway and with some luck, a trailer's going to speed by and crush them out of the gene pool. Bye-bye, inconsiderate rude driver genes.

When I finally came to the head of the queue, some idiot driver in an MPV who'd refused to queue decided he would cut right in front of me. Guess he thought a harmless-looking poppet who probably doesn't know the offside rule in football would meekly let him in.

WRONG.

PONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! @#$% OFF!!!!!!!! YOU @#$%-ING IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He had the shock of his life. He definitely looked surprised that I wouldn't let him in and that I would actually turn around, look at him in the face and tell him off.

Why can't people drive with more courtesy on our roads. And we wonder why we kill so many of our own on our lovely, pothole-ridden, toll booth-laden highways.


P/S Yes, I know the offside rule very well indeed and I didn't need the shoe shopping example as an explanation.

Perfect website for all the idiot drivers in Malaysia

One of the hazards of driving in Malaysia is the Malaysian driver. He is usually clueless about traffic rules, ignores traffic lights, has no idea how to use his signal lights and is almost always lousy at parking. I'm an unusually civilised driver, mainly because I have the life of a 2yo in my hands at all times and I'm not driving my old beat-up Proton anymore. If I were, I would mow down all those nutheads driving out on the roads. My British in-laws asked me if we had a drink driving problem. I said no, we have a problem enough driving when we're sober.

A friend posted this website and I think it's just perfect. If only they could snap a pic of the guilty driver at the same time. It's called You Park Like An Asshole.

Baby Equipment Hire in Kuala Lumpur

If you're coming to Kuala Lumpur for a holiday (Liza and Mia, are you reading this!!! ARGH! Hehe), this may be of some help to you. I found this site when we were living in Jakarta and making frequent trips back to KL so I was looking to hire car seats for just a week or two. I'm not sure if car seats are mandatory in Malaysia but knowing what crazy drivers we are, I didn't want Connor bouncing along unprotected even for a minute. This is why I don't take taxis in KL anymore. No car seat, no go.

The site is called Baby Barn and it also sells new and pre-loved baby items. I took a look and they rent out travel cots, strollers and car seats. They also have a hiking carrier - good if you're planning an outing to Batu Caves!

Their latest item is pretty interesting. It's called the Sit n Stroll. This is something I've rarely seen. It's a car seat and stroller all in one. Ever tried lugging a car seat through an airport? We have. Even though it was our pretty light Combi car seat, it was still a pain. With this one, you just wheel the car seat around just like a stroller. So clever hor!!!

Here you go, Scott and Elaine. I hope the site's what you're looking for and I hope you'll be having a wonderful holiday in Malaysia soon.

Car seats: What to look for

When buying a car seat, this is what you should look for.

I call it the Zzz Factor. It is the ability of a car seat to make your child feel sleepy within 5 minutes of popping him in.

Serious.

Take it from a mum of a toddler. A mum who drives quite a lot. A mum who's had to endure long distance drives with him. Whether it's a macet situation in Jakarta or the M... whatever number dual carriageway that takes us from Liverpool to Scotland, there is no bliss like a quiet, sleeping child in the back seat of a car.

If you buy a car seat from a reputable manufacturer like your Maxi-Cosis and Britaxes, they're made to the required safety standards. So I don't think safety would be an issue here unless you're scrimping and buying a car seat from oh I don't know... Uncle and Aunty Car Seat Sdn Bhd. As we drive around a lot, a car seat was one that I knew we would not compromise on. We bought one from Recaro, I think it's the Signo. Dear Hubby's reasoning was that Recaro make excellent car seats for big boys so they should also make excellent ones for little boys. It wasn't cheap even after a 20% discount and for the longest time, I wondered if I'd gone overboard with this "My one and only son! I need him to be safe!" bit.

Then we went to the UK for a holiday and since we needed a car seat for only 2+ weeks, we bought a basic one from Argos. It cost us $45 (quid... not dollars but I don't have the pound sign on my keyboard) vs $200+ (quids again) that we paid for our Recaro. It was basic, it got the job done ie kept Connor safe. But it did not have the Zzz Factor. So when we did our annual Liv-Aberdeen drive, Connor was quite the pain in the rear.... seat. When we were finally back in KL and Connor was safely harnessed into his Recaro again, it was Dear Hubby, not I, who said "Thank god we bought this car seat."

Forget the cup holder. Car seat toys, snacks, drinks... okay, but they only keep the bub quiet for so long. What you need is a total knocked-out snoring child for driving bliss. Unfortunately, you can't test the Zzz Factor out in the store but I guess a nicely padded car seat would be a good indication of its Zzz Factor.

You've been warned.

(This is not a paid post. Just an expression of my relief that the money we paid for this Recaro seat was well spent after all. Phewww...)

Malaysia set to lose visa-free status in Britain

FOOKIN' SHITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Star reported that we look set to lose our visa-free status starting 2011. Visa fees are estimated to cost RM1,200.

Oh dear.

How do I get meself that British passport quickly! Erm... Let's see if I qualify to be a Brit:
1. I can name at least 5 royals and their partners AND their latest hijinks
2. I can name the latest winner of X-Factor (even more critical than knowing the royals)
3. I can cook a shepherd's pie AND curry
4. I own something from Topshop's Kate Moss line
5. Lastly (and most importantly) I am mum to a simply gorgeous Brit who may well be X Factor winner in 2026.

That's my British passport sorted then.

Tips for pregnant mums who are flying

Having made some plane trips while I'm pregnant, I've learnt some things.

• Always go for a check-up before you fly and if your doctor okays you to fly, ask him for a letter that states how far along you are in your pregnancy, your estimated due date and your state of health. I've discovered that once I looked obviously pregnant, airlines required me to show the letter and to sign a document that absolves them of any liabilities in the case of injury to me and/or the baby. It doesn't matter that their fine print says you are okay to fly until so-and-so week. Some overzealous ground staff will insist on seeing your letter anyway and may bar you from flying if you don't have one.
  
• Sit close to the toilets and use the disabled toilet if you can, especially when you're getting big. You don't want to bump your little bump into things if there's turbulence.
  
• Bring your own snacks. While I found the meals on my flights to be agreeable to my changed tastebuds, I found that their serving times did not match my hunger pangs. I was glad for the muesli bars I brought along on our Canada trip.
• Wear panty liners and bring extras. This is in case the line for the bathroom is looooooooong and well, you know you leak more when you're pregnant! Don't be afraid to ask to go to the front of the line if you really can't hold it. People were actually offering to let me go in front when they saw me get up for the loo.
• Wear compression socks to avoid DVT. Pregnant women are at a higher risk for developing DVT.
• Exercise while on the plane. I never did it when I wasn't pregnant but I do now! I get up to walk up and down, do leg exercises when seated or I simply stand next to my seat and stretch. Don't worry about people giving you funny looks. I'd rather have funny looks than DVT and cramps later on.

Dads-to-be can help out by:

• giving back rubs when we're sore
• getting down on your knees to help us tie our shoelaces. It's hard to tie something we can't quite see/reach comfortably. My husband dropped to his knees in the middle of Soekarno-Hatta airport to tie up my shoelaces and I'm sure everyone else thought he was about to propose with a giant diamond ring! LOL
  
• helping us put on our compression socks. They're bloody difficult to put on because of their compression factor and when you have a bump, it gets even harder. Dear Hubby huffed and puffed mightily while helping me on with mine
  
• clueing on quickly when we hiss, "I need the bathroom NOW!" and scrambling out of the seat to let us get out
• hassling the stewards on our behalf to ensure we're always supplied with drinks to keep us hydrated
  
• giving us portions of your meal, knowing we eat more than you do at this stage (thank you, my Dear Hubby for giving me half of some of his meals on our flight to Canada)
• offering a comforting shoulder for us to nap on in those terribly uncomfy airplane seats

Getting Around: Air Asia from Jakarta to KL

I'm home in Malaysia! Back for a quick trip to see Mum and Dad and to celebrate Dad's birthday this weekend. I booked me a flight on Air Asia from Jakarta to KL. I've flown before on Air Asia from KL to Phuket for a family holiday last year and I was pleasantly surprised. The planes were on time and clean and service was friendly. So when I needed a flight back to KL, I didn't hesitate to check out Air Asia again.

It was a two-hour flight departing from Soekarno-Hatta International Airport, Jakarta. This is what I always do when travelling from Soekarno-Hatta and I need the washroom: I always bring my own loo roll in my carry-on, I always roll up the cuff of my jeans and I always wear closed-toe shoes, preferably waterproof. The reason is Soekarno-Hatta has some of the filthiest toilets I've ever seen in my entire life. The toilet floor is sometimes submerged in water and I really don't want to know where that water came from. Toilet paper is non-existent as well (I've been told you have to ask for it from the toilet attendants) but I simply prefer to bring my own supply. For those who've never been there, Soekarno-Hatta reminds me of a worse Subang. There.

My foreign resident departure tax was almost the price of my plane ticket. Each time I leave Indonesia, I get slapped with a Rp1 million tax (approx US$100). I also have to pay the usual airport tax of Rp100,000 (approx RM30+). The airport tax applies to all departures and is payable at the check-in counter. The Rp1 mill whammy is only for us foreigners who reside in Indonesia and is payable at the Bank Mandiri counter. Wah liao... very expensive for me to leave the archipelago lei...

I was so pleased when we boarded the plane on time. The plane looked new (or maybe just painted new!) and it was clean. It was an 830am flight and we were off and on the runway on the dot. The flight was the usual but I like boring flights. Who on earth enjoys drama in mid-air anyway? I mean, I'm a huge fan of the air crash disasters show on telly where they show you the investigations behind air crashes but I've no wish to star in the show.

And guess what? We actually landed 20 minutes early at the LCCT. Woohoo! I practically leapt off the plane, I was that happy to be home. Immigration was a breeze as they have a separate counter for Malaysian passports and I was greeted by a friendly Immigration officer. Wah! Thumbs up for him!

The only bummer was waiting for luggage. I totally forgot the baggage carousel was next to the duty free shops and nearly walked out while trying to look for it. When I realised I was heading for an exit sign, I made an abrupt U-turn. Haha... me blur... Our bags took about 20 minutes to arrive. Tut-tut... not so good, Air Asia. And why is it that the owner of the first bag to appear is never around? It was a brown suitcase that was still making its lonesome rounds on the carousel by the time I pulled my bag off a good ten minutes later.

My first meal on Malaysian soil was of course... McDonald's? Hey, it was convenient, I had a cab to catch back to my hometown and I wanted something that I could eat in the car without spilling everywhere. Given a choice, I would have plumped for a nasi lemak or something. But a McD Value Meal it was. A funny thing happened to me in the line. An Indonesian lady was behind me and she was asking me about the various Value Meal options. So I explained to her how it worked and I automatically used words I'd learnt from my short months in Jakarta. As I turned to leave, she said thank you to me and asked me if I was Indonesian. Hehe... nono... and I still sound far from Indonesian!

My cab arrived about ten minutes later and I had to laugh when I saw what the driver had in his boot. It was durians! I sms-ed Dear Hubby right away, telling him I was so glad he wasn't coming home with me this time because he would have fainted there and then from the aroma. I've got to go air my bags out... if there's even a whiff of durian on them, Dear Hubby is not going to let me back into the house.

I knew I was home in Malaysia when the taxi driver said admiringly to me in Malay, "Wow, you speak very good Malay for a Chinese! I can't tell from your accent that you're not Malay!" We here in Malaysia are so used to this race thing... almost everything I know about my life here has been coloured by race, including the language you speak. In Indonesia, everyone expects me to know B. Indonesia (a close cousin of the Malay language we speak in Malaysia), Chinese or not.

So there you go. A very pleasant uneventful flight on board Air Asia. I guess I've been lucky with them, I've not had the plane delays that some people have experienced. If you book early or during the promo periods, you can get real bargains. So highly recommended for the short hops around the region. I'm not sure I would fly them to the UK or Australia though!

Bluebird taxis in Jakarta

May I just say that the Bluebird Group taxi service in Jakarta is EXCELLENT. I had been advised to take only Bluebird taxis while in Jakarta as they offer great customer service, they are safe, they are reliable and they always use the meter. They take customer service very seriously and if you call up and file a complaint, the driver involved is going to be in serious trouble.
Our driver, S, used to work for Bluebird and he's great - he's safe, he knows all his routes, he's cheerful and he can speak a fair amount of English, which helps him to communicate with Dear Hubby. With me, we get by using a mixture of Bahasa Indonesia and Bahasa Malaysia.

The meter starts at Rp6,900 (approx RM2). A cab ride from Hotel Kristal to Pondok Indah Mall cost me Rp14,000++ (this was the incident where I couldn't subtract that amount quickly enough from Rp50,000 to gauge my change!) and the driver was so polite. They're the total opposite of some Malaysian cabbies who are rude and refuse to take you to places that they don't fancy or refuse to use the meter and charge you a silly fare.

When I first arrived in Jakarta, S told me about the Bluebird taxis and said there were different classes. There's Goldenbird which is the numero uno class, then Silverbird and Bluebird, which is your everyday taxi. I thought that was the end but S continued after a short pause, "... and also have Big Bird!" I thought he was pulling my leg and giggled. But it turned out he was telling the truth. Big Bird are the charter buses! I saw one when we were on our to the airport to fly home.

So remember, Bluebird Taxis are the way to go in Jakarta!

Traffic in Jakarta

Ah, the Jakartan traffic. The cars. The motorbikes. The bajaj (bah-jai). The ba-what??? This one! ==>



Before I begin, may I just say that this is not intended to be a criticism of Jakarta, but merely an observation. I use Kuala Lumpur as my yardstick simply because I've lived there for 7 years, have driven round most of it and that is what I know best.

First things first: KL roads are NOT perfect. Every time I'm in Singapore, I wonder why they can get it right and we can't. KL roads have their fair share of potholes. It has a mix of highways, large main roads and smaller roads. Most of these are well-paved, fairly well-maintained and well-lit. KL road signs, while large, well-lit and fairly visible, are usually placed where they are of no use to the motorist. By the time you get close enough to read them, you would have completely missed your turn-off. Some signs simply disappear along the way. You could be navigating along a road, following signs for Damansara and about 2km along your drive, the signs to Damansara simply disappear. The only constant signs in KL are those that lead to Seremban and Ipoh. As far as my Dear Hubby is concerned, all roads in KL lead to Ipoh. You could be in the middle of nowhere and a sign will pop up with an arrow on it and it will say "IPOH".
Driving in KL requires some amount of skill and courage. This is because our dear city planners frequently put exits where they shouldn't be and drivers are forced to enter the highway from one side and bravely cut across four lanes of killer traffic in order to make their exit. Miss your exit and you could end up making a huge circle round the city. So everyone takes their chances and makes the dash to the exit, which is usually placed far too close to the entrance and means you have very little distance in which to navigate across.
Traffic in KL is usually congested at peak hours and is quite all right at other times. The huge amount of motorcycles weaving in and out of lanes doesn't help any. A driver has to be vigilant at all times to watch for these deadly two-wheelers as well as other fellow drivers who haven't the slightest clue what they're doing in a car. It's common knowledge that most drivers in Malaysia bribe their way to a license, so we do have a lot of clueless idiots on the roads. Perhaps this is the government's way of population control. I was once asked by a British expat about the incidence of drink driving in KL. My response? "Drink driving? Nono... we kill enough of our own driving around sober!"

What about Jakarta then? Er... 10 times worse. Imagine a city where the population is 3 times that of Klang Valley, where traffic is forced to navigate through mainly narrow streets that are badly built, where roads are frequently flooded when it rains, where there is an absence of coherent road signs and street lamps and you get the idea.
Driving in Jakarta means No Rules. You honk if you want to warn someone that you are overtaking or cutting in and then you just pull out. Hesitation will be fatal. Just pull out and the other drivers will be forced to stop for you. Otherwise, you'll be stuck at the intersection forever and a day. Driving in Jakarta means you need an intimate knowledge of the smaller streets that criss-cross the city and wind in and out of local settlements if you do not wish to be stuck in the traffic jams that clog many Jakartan roads.

So we clueless expats are usually assigned a local driver. Our guy, S, is brilliant. I have no idea how he knows where he's going. He's safe, he's reliable and boy, can he drive. When S is not available to ferry me around, I use a cab. Now, it's not a good idea to use just ANY cab in Jakarta. You're bound to be fleeced especially if you're a bule like Dear Hubby (bule = local slang for Caucasians, kinda like our term angmoh). Most visitors to Jakarta are advised to use cabs from the Bluebird Group. They're safe, they always use the meter, their drivers are well-trained and efficient and they can pick you up from anywhere.
Do not simply flag down a cab on the street, it's always best to get the hotel or shopping centre to get you a cab. Make sure you have small change for the cab, you don't always get the right change back.

So belt up, hold tight and enjoy the ride!